Remember when you were younger and you would break something and blame it on another sibling or your imaginary friend? I definitely gave this a whirl several times with my older brother (poor guy). It was a cute thing when we were young, but why do we still do it as adults? I know that seems like a dramatic switch. I was all happy-happy and now I am all serious ‘n’ stuff. Stay with me, as always, there will be light at the end of this tunnel. I can tell you one thing: blame is toxic. It will unravel your relationships, happiness, and self-worth. We were never meant to place blame. The reason being that we are in full control of what we think and do. A caterpillar does not blame the world for not turning it into a butterfly. It lives its life and focuses only on what it can control. Eventually, it becomes something beautiful. Transformation is not something that you can download like an app on your iPhone. It is taking a step every day, so that one day you can run.
Think of blame as taking a step back, so each blame you place only brings you backward. However, if you make the conscious decision to accept full responsibility for your actions and life, it is like taking two steps forward. So, I am going to give you a list of common blame statements and why they are hindering you. Take a good look at them. Be honest with yourself, because honesty is one of the easiest ways to dissipate blame.
1. I cannot believe they did that! It’s so unfair!
It is so hard in these situations. Usually something really unfair happens and leaves you breathless. This is life, it can be really unfortunate, but by saying statements like this, you give the other party full-ownership of your life. Here is the reality of things: they did it, it was unfair, now move on. If you do not like the situation, change it. If you cannot change it, change your attitude. You are better than this. Do not let temporary emotions make permanent changes to your life.
2. Why won’t my partner do this! They are so inconsiderate!
This is my go-to, not going to lie. I am a very independent person and can feel like people are stepping on that. It has a lot to do with self-worth. If you hold independence as a core value, it can feel like you are becoming less valuable by letting people in. Let me be clear: you’re value does not decrease because you let someone in. It actually increases. To be able to work side-by-side with another human being is one of the most beautiful things that you can ever do. Independence is great, just keep in mind we were meant to connect with other people. Your worth does not increase by being an asshole either, clean it up boys and girls.
3. If they would have just done it my way, this totally would have worked!
Seems to always be the case, right? I mean if everyone would just listen to us, things would have turned out way differently. Maybe they would have, maybe they would not have. Imagine if everything you wanted would have turned out. You would be miserable! Things do not happen for a reason. If we never failed, we would never succeed. And if we did succeed without failure, we would not know what to do with our successes anyway. Accept that your way may not be the best way and move on. You will be less stressed and might just learn something, too.
The blame game can seem fun, it can keep you safe from vulnerability, it can even make you feel more superior. It unfortunately takes you out of the game of life. You can only play one of these games at a time. Would you rather live a life of happiness or blame someone else for your lack thereof?