Respect versus being liked

In Leadership by rystein0 Comments

HOW THIS POST CAME ABOUT

I was getting some really great feedback at work about my style of management slash how I was being perceived. As I was hearing this feedback from various colleagues and bosses I had somewhat of an epiphany – “holy crap, I care way more about what people think about me, more than I care about being respected by said people”.

 

WHY THIS MATTERS

As I talked about in one of my posts, a coworker had told me that they loved that I didn’t care what others thought of me. And yet, I did. It’s ironic, because it was a pivotal point in how I looked at myself as a worker and an entrepreneur. If I cared so much about what others were thinking of me, what was I losing out on?

 

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CARE MORE ABOUT BEING LIKED THAN DOING YOUR JOB

  • You become afraid of failing
  • You are scared to make tough decisions
  • You avoid holding people accountable
  • You avoid holding yourself accountable
  • You forget why you are there in the first place

 

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CARE MORE ABOUT BEING RESPECTED THAN BEING LIKED

  • You enter a state of flow
  • You remember why you are there
  • You hold others accountable
  • You hold yourself accountable
  • You grow – Every. Damn. Day.

 

HOW YOU CAN APPLY THIS

Think through a normal day of your work or your business. I am going to take you through a general scenario of what a day may look like and how caring more about respect will benefit you.

 

  • You come to your computer and have a hundred emails to get through.
    • Being Liked – “I need to get through these or they will be upset with me!”
    • Being Respected – “I need to prioritize these. I cannot get everything done at once and I need to do my job or practice well.”
  • You are in a meeting and a stakeholder is upset
    • Being Liked – “What did I do wrong? Oh no! They are going to be so mad! I need to fix this.”
    • Being Respected – “Okay, they are upset. I need to catch them and have a chat, so we can get to the bottom of this. If it was a miss on my end, I need to figure out how to mitigate for next time. If it was their miss, I need to see if there was a miscommunication or if I need to set clearer expectations.”
  • You have to have a difficult conversation with a direct report, vendor or customer
    • Being Liked – “I better give them what they ask for or at least a really good deal. I need to preserve this relationship at all costs.”
    • Being Respected – “We need to talk through the problem. I will listen to their interpretation first to ensure they feel heard. After that, I will let them know what needs to happen next time to avoid this problem and coach them to help them grow and build a stronger relationship.”

KEY TAKEAWAYS

This is an overall look at the two concepts. By no means is this black and white. With these types of ideas, there is always a lot of grey, which is why it is so important to talk about them. One of the main things that I have started to work on is respect first.

 

Meaning that I always establish a baseline of respect for each other and what you bring to the table as well as expectations from each party. Once that has been established and is being followed, it is easier to build a more personal relationship.

 

If both parties are interested in this, it will be much more fruitful of an endeavor.

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